I was feeling sick on Friday. I thought it was a flu but after a test, it confirmed I got COVID. So, I had to cancel Felix and David (my sexmates) during the weekend.
I was in bed feeling awful the past days, but at least I watched some movies and series.
I’m feeling a bit better today.
So, I’ve been getting messages from some of my ex-flings lately, more than usual (I guess the cold weather makes people nostalgic) and it’s kind of cute. However, not all of them were meaningful.
Since music is the soundtrack of my life, here are some timeless songs that marked a special moment with some guys (I met over 10 years ago) I’d never forget.
French Navy by Camera Obscura: I used to call this guy French sailor. He was my first fling after many years in serious relationships. He was from France, a lot younger than me, absolute handsome, taller, big blue eyes. He was a revelation and a talisman.
Before him all my exes were more or less my same age, but he made me realise that I allure younger guys. And over time that hasn’t changed.
This song reminds me a lot of him because of the time and lyrics. See, relationships were something I used to do, until he arrived and taught me to enjoy the “right now”.
.
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Euphoria by Loreen: This song reminds me of #1 (his nickname) when I first met him and used to rush to his place every time he called me sporadically. He used to live on the 17th floor on a high-rise building in downtown. Our encounters were pure euphoria. I didn’t care if he called me to fuck during my lunch break at work or at 3 AM. I was always there!
Time was irrelevant and we were always “up up up up up”
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Locked Out Of Heaven by Bruno Mars: I see Derek with this song. Young, energetic, adventurous and full of fantasies, that’s how he was. Derek became more than just a sexmate to me, he was someone I opened myself to. He was my 2nd long-term sexmate and the person who made me understand that there was nothing wrong with me, after a bad breakup got me think otherwise. Derek rebuilt my confidence.
He made me feel desired, just like this song.
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Alive by The Black Eyed Peas: This tune brings Justin back! He had all I like in a guy: wit, sense of humour, perfect smile, perfect ass, and our sexual chemistry was 10/10. He was (from Vancouver) in Montreal for few days and we met by fate to fall irrationally in love. We spent his journey in the city together, despite the fact that he had a “boyfriend” in Vancouver. Our situation sucked, but we didn’t care, it was now or never, all or nothing. “I want to stay with you” he texted from the airport the day of his depart.
He left a void in my heart, but he also made me feel alive.
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Do You by Miguel: This song reminds me of Axl. Our fling was fun and sexually stellar. Axl was gorgeous and had a killer body. We liked each other and he had all the potential for me to fall for him. However, he was immature and when things are not meant to be, you cannot force them.
We did each other like a drug until it was time to let go.
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Big Jet Plane by Angus & Julia Stone: His name was Joe, we started as NSA but that didn’t last ’cause he developed feelings. He was very handsome and treated me nice but he was too “vanilla” as a lover for me. My time with him was more of tenderness rather than wildness. However, I enjoyed and appreciated his company sincerely. He made me feel less of a sex toy and more of a person.
It made me sometimes melancholic, just like this song that he used to play a lot.
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Boys Don’t Cry by Natalia Kills: Few songs made me think of Joseph but this one gives me flashbacks of our end. When we met back then, I got rid of everyone else. And against all odds, we stayed together for few years. Our bond was sexual, our relationship was intense and addictive, therefore unhealthy. We had great times together, but I also knew we had an expiration date. Joseph was young and sentimentally inexperienced. And I, I had too much experience in sentimental damage… When the end approached, this song was premonitory.
It hurt me to lose him, but he deserved love and not just a compatible fuck.
When we say goodbye remember, boys don’t cry… I sang to myself, when he left my life.
LustExpectations 